-This is beyond criticism, okay? Something that so heavily relies of the Rule of Cool, it'd be ridiculous to entrap it in anything approaching pretension. -The interwebs is positively abuzz with the news that Lindsay Lohan goes all topless and junk. But, see, this scene (in which she and her mother make out with Machete in a pool, because he's kind of a pimp), it is obviously a body double. Different hair, different face (for the brief second said double faces the camera a bit). There's a scene soon after where she really is naked, but covered with her own hair. So everyone calm down.
-Kill Bill reference! Kill Bill reference!
-Michelle Rodriguez is badass. And, sure, her survival is spoiled by the trailer and, fuck, the opening credits, but still. It's pretty triumphant.
-Danny Trejo should star in more things. Seriously, who gave Ryan Reynolds permission to be the next action hero?
-Goddammit, Jessica Alba.
-I was promised awesome fake trailers starring Tim Roth as Ringo Orange. I did not get them. You can understand.
-SEQUELS!
-...
-Don't you just get lost in Jeff Fahey's eyes?